We’re all big girls here, so while we may certainly *feel* like suddenly contracting a case of meningitis to avoid showing our faces in public, life goes on—even when you’ve got a pimple so conspicuous it practically requires its own ZIP code. Here, we offer some comfort in the form of five zit-obscuring hairstyles from the runway. Just don’t ask us what to do if you’ve got a great big honking spot between your eyebrows. Actually, correction—pinpoint-conceal as best you can, slap on some Schiaparelli pink lipstick as a visual diversion, then grin and bear it.
THE FOREHEAD BRAID
Good for: When you’ve been lax with the conditioner and dry shampoo and it’s gunking up your hairline in retaliation.
How to: Start with clean hair (and your preferred treatment over the area) so you don’t exacerbate the situation. Starting above one ear, begin a Dutch braid, drawing hair in from back to front. Switch to a regular braid as you near the other side, and secure with pins. Pancake, pancake, pancake, and pull out somewispies to frame your face, which is still pretty no matter how f*cked-up your skin is at the moment.
THE FAUX BANGS
Good for: Hairline spots but also those ones you get on your temples, even though that area is allegedly so unreactive it doesn’t even show up on some skin maps?? WTF?
How to: Again, don’t bother with product, unless you’re channeling Sam McKnight #wateronly style. Take sections around the face and push them forward to create fringe-like curves that cover the offending blemishes. Once you’re satisfied with how they lie, pin in place.
Good for: Anything in the forehead/brow region/going as young Justin Bieber, Esq. this Halloween.
How to: Create a deep side part, thinking of Donald Trump—but without causing harm to yourself or any surrounding property—then go just a little more. You want a hair helmet. Stick in some pins behind the ear opposite your combover.
Good for: The whole periphery of the face and/or taking out your rage on innocent American ex-pats.
How to: First, put on some happy makeup so you don’t scare small children on their way to school. (Definitely do the salicylic acid thing *plus* foundation to create a barrier between your skin and all the hair that’s about to cover it.) Next, carve out a middle part, letting the sides fall in your face. Do not wear anything that resembles a white nightgown.
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
Good for: When one of your ovaries decides it’s a brilliant idea to push out a cystic DISASTER on your chin (good thing there’s a fix for that).
How to: Air-dry for texture, then give it a good flip to find your natural part. Scoop a bit more hair from the left or right of that to make your “mask.” Hold it in place using the headphone trick.